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Deep Thoughts at 35,000 Feet

Despite what you may think, traveling for 14 hours over an ocean with a 2.5 and a 4.5 year old, solo, really isn’t all that stressful.  In fact, I was even able to think private thoughts.  PRIVATE thoughts.  Not only that, but I had the time to type them up on my phone, finger-peckingly-slow and all.

You see, I engage in what I call cheat travel.  And only a few supplies are required.

1) An iPod for each would-otherwise-be-squealing child.

2) Age appropriate headphones per iPod.

3) LOTS and LOTS of snacks.

4) A car seat for each headphone wearer under 5.

And what you get folks, is time to actually watch Will Ferrell do stupid shit on the teeny tiny airplane screen AND to think.  Feeling guilty watching other parents walk the aisles with their children, I even offered to go on a plane adventure more than once but NO! Mom, I’m cool – did you SEE that I’m using my iPod right now?  Oh and I should mention that a key part of this recipe is saving the holy iPod for use ONLY in situations that desperately call for it – such as a 14 hour flight (and perhaps, shorter late night flights and long bus rides and car rides and in a nice restaurant) – my point is that it must be kept sacred.

Mostly, the flight proceeded smoothly.  Below are a few musings, cataloged into my phone during the flight and cut and pasted here [and rainbow colored] for your reading enjoyment.

All was going as planned until the somewhat recently toilet-trained toddler woke up abruptly from his nap, because of PEE!!, and then proceeded to pee all over me and my seat (and later my bag – back spray) before successfully (mostly, save the back spray) releasing his flow into an empty water bottle that the universe had not found a garbage for at the airport (he was in the window seat with a sleeping sister in the aisle – lucky mommy in the middle with an overflowing tray table – so getting out fast enough was NOT an option).

What’s up with United giving peeps in first class an extra safety strap?  If you pay more, we’ll keep you safer?

Why do I always end up with the seat with the broken recline (and I’m not even going to mention the broken, sagging into my knee seat pocket)?  And a pissy princess in front of me, reclined [with a huff] to the max?

In an inconceivable way, I kind of like the very forced intimate time you’re made to spend with your kids on a long flight – but on second thought, maybe it’s because they are watching movies and eating sugar the whole time, so they’re a hell of a lot sweeter.

Interesting fact about me:  most often as we’re taking off, I actually rehearse our  last moments were the plane to crash.  It’s not an act filled with anxiety but more that I would want to be as at peace as possible, so in some morbid way, I want to have it planned.  I don’t like to be in control… nope, not. at. all.

WHY does United consistently show the only kids movie of the flight last – when it’s 9pm for them and they only have three hours left to get some much needed shut eye?!  Come on, it’s a HUGE deal.  Nearly ruined the last quarter of my flight experience.

The End.

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