A Brief Recap of My Floundering Adulthood
I’ve worn many half made hats, but don’t own any perfectly constructed ones. I’m a jill of all trades, master of none. I’ve dabbled in dozens of things, but specialize in nothing. I’ve explored a million careers, but still don’t have one.
SO, in an effort to validate (or perhaps further confuse) myself, I’ve decided to write down how life has transpired since I graduated from college in 2005.
1) Lived and traveled through Mexico with friends for 5 months.
2) Worked as an Americorps VISTA volunteer in St. Croix for 6 months.
3) Worked as a junior paralegal while applying for law school, for 1.5 years.
4) Traveled through southeast Asia for a couple of months.
5) Was accepted into first choice law school (Vermont Law – a small, private, environmentally focused law school) but chose to defer and help my sister in law realize her dream of creating a line of cosmetics.
6) Accidentally got pregnant (with baby of committed partner).
7) Started said law school and took a leave of absence after 2 months (single mama with a 6 month old – decided to support career of baby’s daddy, who was on the other coast, instead).
8) Let leave of absence expire (timing still wasn’t right for career of baby’s daddy, a family decision). Then reapplied.
9) Got pregnant, again. Planned this time (still wanted to go back to law school, so we kinda rushed in to number two so it would be at least 9 months before school started).
10) When it came time to make the final decision to attend law school, baby’s daddy’s career was cooking and I still couldn’t justify mine for his.
11) Determined that law school in Vermont was the ONLY school I wanted to attend, and relocating wasn’t going to happen, so I allowed other interests to take over.
12) Took an Anatomy class (and loved it) because I wanted to become a midwife, or a pediatric nurse practitioner, or a naturopathic doctor. In all honesty, what I REALLY want to do when I grow up is to be an pediatrician who specializes in integrative medicine (I even started college as a microbiology major)… BUT, with kids, at age 29 going on 30, I’m almost 100% sure that ship sailed long ago.
13) Was trained as a Doula and volunteered at a local hospital as one.
14) After a few births and realizing how difficult becoming a midwife in San Francisco was going to be, again, I let other interests creep their way in.
15) Decided that I’d go to business school instead (something I had pondered way back between #’s 1 and 2).
16) Started an MBA program in Sustainable Enterprise, but left after a semester to again, pursue baby’s daddy’s career (who is now the husband).
17) Moved to southern China and now spend my days hanging with the babies and writing and dreaming of new pursuits.
WOAH. That list just kept growing. Even in college, my thoughts on my career changed every month. I wanted to be a doctor. Then, I wanted to be a zoologist. Then an anthropologist. Then I wanted to quite altogether and go to fashion design school. Then an attorney working in International Environmental Law. Then a trapeze artist in the circus.
Sometimes, I wish that I had been born 50 years ago when my options would have been a) a secretary, b) a teacher, or c) a nurse. The OPTIONS are what kills me. WHY MUST I HAVE SO MANY INTERESTS? Combine that with being, oh, I don’t know, the MOST indecisive person who ever lived… and well folks, what you get is a 29 year old mother of two who is still floundering trying to find her career self. AND, as dreary as it might sound, it’s ALL good, really. It’s all part of my journey and I accept that there is meaning behind the floundering. Sure, it would feel great to not have to wake up regularly wanting to research new programs, and schools, and possibilities, BUT, I trust that I’ll get there… wherever there is.
I will finish with 3 things that I would like to accomplish in the next year:
1) Take trapeze classes and become a BADASS trapeze girl.
2) Learn Mandarin as well as my VERY American accent will allow me.
3) Make some stuff and sell it.
What new things do you want to accomplish this year???